Dude, where's my clothes?
by Internet Luv Masheen
Summary: It involve nudity and romantic embarrassment. Read it.


Dude, where's my clothes?

By SoulfulZen

Rated R for language, sexual themes and other things

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. Or any of this shit.

Edward Elric woke up in the most peaceful manner one could wake up in. He opened his eyes, and his entire peaceful morning (all of 5 seconds) was over. Next to him, tight in his embrace, was his crush and best friend, Winry. He lifted up the covers of the bed they were in and saw that they were both naked. He blushed heavily dropped the sheets, looked at Winry, and just stared, shaking with fear. His face was freakishly distorted. He was ready to scream, mosty in the fear that Winry would kick his ass AND accuse him of rape. Winry slowly woke out of a slumber as peaceful as Edward's. Here eyes fluttered open and she saw, right across from her, automail arm trapped under her minute weight, her lifelong best friend and crush, Edward Elric. At the same time Edward's vocal cords finally decided to work, she screamed as loud as she could.

Both jumped back, with Winry taking the sheet to cover herself. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING NAKED IN MY BED!" she shouted. Edward replied "I DON'T KNOW I SWEAR TO GOD! I'M JUST AS FREAKED AS YOU!" Both calmed down as much as one could after finding out that one just slept with one's lifelong best friend and long-time crush. Winry asked, "So d'you think we, you know, had sex?" Edward blushed brightly and shot a glance towards the trash can in the corner of the room. "Well just by the amount of birth control thingies in your trash can," he said, "I'd guess yes." Winry then blushed and said "Well, we were safe about it." Ed said "True. But I'd better get out of here before Pinako finds us and starts bitching." Winry said "Right", but somehow she couldn't move. All she could do was stand and stare at Ed's groin. "Damn. He's hung." she thought. Ed noticed this and blushed, asking "Uh, can I get some help over here? You know, finding my clothes?" Winry snapped out of her daze and said "Oh. Oh yeah. Actually, why don't I make the bed? Y'know, so nobody gets suspicious." as she dropped the sheet onto the bed. Edward glanced over and saw her in all her glory, au natural. He gave her a once-over with his eyes, and muttered "God she's beautiful." Winry caught the words "she's beautiful" and blushed bright red. She glanced over just in time to see him look away.

They found their clothes under Winry's bed once it was made. However, they found that themselves and their clothes reeked of alcohol, sweat and sex and would not do to be worn out of the room. They soaked the clothes in the sink in the bathroom just off of Winry's bedroom while they shared a shower. Water conservation, they both excused it with, but both knew that they just wanted to see more of each other. When their clothes were dry, they got dressed. Ed ran a hand through his hair, and realized "Oh hell, my braid's undone!" Winry walked up with his hair tie in her hand and said "I'll get it for you." She stood him facing away from her bathroom mirror, and wrapped her arms tight around him. Paying little attention to his hair and more to his eyes, she eventually got it done and gave him a long, slow, soft kiss.

The lovers went up to the door from Winry's soundproofed room to the hall and peered out, hoping for a clear escape. However, there were about three old ladies and men about Pinako's age walking around the halls. That's when it all came flooding back to them. The agreement, the party, and their night together. About three days ago, Ed's second day back from Central City, Ed, Al and Winry had come to agree with Pinako that if Ed and Al could invite some of the guys from their little group in the military for a little shindig, then they would help Pinako organize a day-long quilting bee and call a bingo tournament with the prize being said quilt.

The party had been last night, while Pinako was gone to pick up some things for her fun. Everyone had gotten a bit drunk, especially Ed and Winry. Ed had even laughed off a gibe about his height from Roy, which everyone else was too knackered to find odd. Armstrong was doing one-arm handstand push ups while everyone piled stuff on his feet, averting their eyes from his sparklyness. Havoc and Hawkeye got into a game of darts. Hughes just made a general ass of himself. Roy was joking about Ed and Winry being a couple. Eventually, the army boys left, and Ed helped Winry to her room. But he didn't leave, oh no. They made sweet love all night long while Al and Pinako were cleaning and preparing. That brought them pretty much up to scratch. At the same time, both said "Oh fuck!"

Ed rushed back in and alchemically transformed Winry's sheets into a rope. He tied it to her bedpost and used it to climb down. Then, to prevent the risk of another hint that they had fucked last night, he restored the sheets and threw them back into Winry's window. Winry remade her bed and headed into the living room to see if Pinako needed help. Out back, while Ed was staring dreamily at the window he had just climbed from, Al came up and said "Hey, big brother, where've you been?" Ed jumped and fell on his head. When he got up, he said "Sleeping." Then Alphonse Elric, the 16-year-old trapped in armor, asked the one question Ed didn't expect or want: "You had sex with Winry, didn't you, brother?" Ed was flattened by this question. He did not expect his little brother to ask. After getting up, he asked "What makes you ask that?". Al simply said "'Cuz you weren't in any other room in the house, and you didn't leave." Ed, now even more flabberghasted than before, said "Alright, I slept in Winry's room. But how does that lead you to sex?" Alphonse came as close to a smirk as a suit of armor can. "'Cuz you two walked up to her room drunk as hell and she shouted down 'Hey, Al, grab some birth control shit and bring it up, willya?', and I got it and brought it up and you two were making out on her bed naked. Roy videotaped the whole thing from then on." At that, Edward suffered a total mental breakdown and fainted.

When he woke up, it was nearly three in the afternoon and bingo was going to start soon. Ed said "Superior or not, I am going to kill Roy in the most painful way I can think of ten times over!" Al said "I was only joking about Roy videotaping you. That was me." He started tossing a little black tape up in the air and catching it. Ed jumped and after a five-minute fight involving half-assed alchemy and faces being broken, Ed got the tape. He slashed it into little bits and jumped on it. Then he alchemically morphed it into a little figure similar to the one he gave to Winry for her birthday long ago. They both went down and called bingo in semi-peace. A week later, when the Elric brothers returned to HQ, Ed endured many "drunken idiot" jokes, which weren't half as bad as the endless chanting of "Ed and Winry sitting in a tree, F-U-C-K-I-N-G" he would have endured otherwise. And that was how Ed learned never to trust Al with his privacy.

Damn. I thought this was going to be longer. Ah well, the oneshot's over. Brought to you by SoulfulZen, with help from various death metal groups such as Lamb of God, Hatbreed and Cradle of Filth. Also thanks to the singles by NIN, System of a Down and Mudvayne (respectively) "The hand that feeds", "B.Y.O.B." and "happy?". That shit gets me into a creative mindset. As always, read and review, no flames. Sayonara, motherfuckers.


End file.
